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Wandergeschichte

Dezember 23rd, 2007

Es begab sich aber zu einer Zeit, kurz nachdem Chuck Norris am 0. Tag Gott geschaffen hatte, dass die Eltern des jungen Maerchenprinzen vom Kessel von Minsh verstarben.
Nun war dieser noch minderjaehrig und konnte somit noch nicht Koenig werden. Deshalb beschloss er die beinlose Tochter des Praesidenten zu heiraten um seine Maennlichkeit zu beweisen.
Er wollte aber keine Abfuhr einstecken muessen, also unterzog er sich einer Schoenheits OP die ihn blond, gross, schlank, sportlich und blauaeugig machte.

Als er mit seinem Traktor mit 50.000 Watt Subwoofern vorfuhr, fiel dieser dummerweise um. *KRACH*
Und noch dummerer Weise genau auf die blonde, aschegrau-aeugige Tochter des Praesidenten mit apfelgruenen Straenen, sodass ihr vor Schreck auch noch einer ihrer Arme abfiel.

Da ihm in dieser peinlichen Situation nichts besseres einfiel, sagte er: “Hallo schoene Frau, wie geht es ihnen?” Sie aber war sehr erzuernt ueber sein unverschaemtes Auftreten: “Was faellt ihnen eigentlich ein? Was glauben sie wer sie sind?”

Der junge Maerchenprinz, dessen Eltern gestorben waren und der blond, gross, schlank, blauaeugig und sportlich war, antwortete:
“Ich bin ein junger Maerchenprinz, dessen Eltern gestorben sind, und der blond, gross, schlank, blauaeugig und sportlich ist.”

Davon war die beinlose Tochter des Praesidenten so beeindruckt, dass sie ihm sofort um den Hals fiel.

Anno ‘44 heirateten sie dann und flogen in ihren Flitterwochen zusammen ins Weltall, wo die Beinlose aufgrund der Schwerelosigkeit ihre Beine nicht brauchte.

Und Chuck Norris betrachtete stolz die Kroenung seiner Schoepfung.

Bemerkung: Matthias hat mich gebeten des ins Inetz zu stellen…
Des haben Matthias und ich im Deutschunterricht geschrieben. Die Lehrerin hat halt gemerkt dass es keinen Sinn hat so kurz vor Weihnachten noch Stoff durchzupressen, also hat sie uns so eine “Wandergeschichte” schreiben lassen.

D.h. sie hat immer fragen gestellt (z.B. “Wer ist er?”, “Wer ist sie?”, “Was sagt er?, “Was sagt sie?” am Ende noch “und was ist die Moral von der Geschicht?”) … Die Antworten dazu wurden immer von 2 Leuten auf einen Zettel geschrieben, der dann umgefalltet wurde und weiter gegeben wurde (ohne dass es die naechste Gruppe lesen konnte).

Ganz am Ende mussten dann die Gruppen zu dem Text der dann irgendwann bei ihnen gelandet ist eine Geschichte schreiben.

Unsere “Angabe” war wie folgt:

Ein junger Maerchenprinz, dessen Eltern gestorben sind.
—-
beinlose Tochter des Praesidenten
—-
blond, gross, schlank, blaue Augen, sportlich
—-
blond mit aschegrauen Augen und apfelgruenen Straehnen, nur noch einen Arm, dafuer ein Bein zuviel
—-
“Hallo schoene Frau, wie geht es ihnen?” – “Wollen sie mit mir ins Weltall fliegen”
—-
Was glauben sie eig. wer sie sind – Was faellt ihnen ein?
—-
Traktor faellt um! *Krach*
Frau jubelt!
—-
Im Kessel von Minsh anno ‘44
—-
Am 0. Tag schuf Chuck Norris Gott

‘morgen:)

November 1st, 2007

Ich sitze jetzt zwar nicht im Bus und warte darauf dass ich endlich von der Schule nach Hause komme, aber trotzdem sitz ich da und hab Zeit zum nachdenken. Im Hintergrund laeuft Cafe del Mar, wenn man das nicht kennt sollte man auf jedenfall mal reinhoeren wenn man chillige Musik mag.

Warum ist sonst nichts los? Ich meine es sind Ferien… Aber jeder ist in der Kirche oder liegt vom Vortag noch ein bisschen fertig im Bett. Ich nicht. Ich bin heute um 10 aufgestanden (relativ frueh fuer meine Verhaeltnisse). Erst mal im Bettioutfit durch die Wohnung und Fische und Maeuse gefuettert. Dann schoen geduscht und spaeter den doofen Puffel (unseren Hasen) rausgesetzt. Doof weil er mich voll gekratzt hat. Also… Wie gesagt: Doofer Puffel.

Dann hab ich aber erst mal als ich aus der Dusche kam den Tee aufgesetzt und als die Tiere (ach ja die Katze Maja auch) versorgt waren schoen gefruehstueckt. Des Sonnenlicht ist schoen warm ins Esszimmer getroepfelt.
Die ganze Zeit sitz ich mit irgendwie superchilliger und toller Laune da und freu mich an der Welt. Liegt vielleicht auch daran dass ich am morgen eine suesse SMS bekommen hab und das macht den ganzen Tag natuerlich gleich dreimal so toll.

Nun, meine Family hat mich “im Stich gelassen”… oder ich sie, weil sie mir ziemlich kurzfristig gesagt haben dass sie am naechsten Tag nach Italien in Urlaub fahren.
Ob ich das schon wuesste… nein, das wusste ich nicht, und weil mir das zu ueberraschend kam, habe ich gesagt dass ich nicht mit komme. Also haben sie mir die Oberhoheit ueber das Haus uebertragen und den ganzen Pflichten die so damit verbunden sind.

Also spaeter noch die Waesche aufgehaengt damit ich des auch hinter mir habe… naja jetzt hab ich nichts mehr zu tun und sitzte da und wundere mich darueber dass das Leben an manchen Tagen richtig fies und an Tagen wie heute einfach total cool… und auch komisch sein kann. Vor allem weil Sachen passieren die man nie erwartet haette. Es ist ja wirklich so dass man an manchen Tagen schon beim aufstehen in einen Reissnagel tritt (oder soetwas aehnliches) (knock on wood^^) und an anderen laeuft alles wie perfekt.

Nun. Auf alle Faelle ist trotz dem ganzen chilligen Haus, der warmen gelben Sonne und den gluecklichen Gedanken alles so alleine hier. Ich habe eben schon 4 oder so Leute antelefoniert, aber niemand scheint da zu sein.
Also sitze ich hier und rede mit meinem Blog weil ich an irgendjemanden (zum Beispiel dem ehrenwerten Leser^^) dieses Gefuehl von Glueck weitergeben will.
Naja. ich werd jetzt mal schaun was des Leben an einem solchen Tag sonst noch zu bieten hat.

Als dann. Peace & Harmony

buswarten

Oktober 25th, 2007

Life is one big show-off.

At least it seems so, when I’m waiting for the bus at the train station and watch the people: Dressed up chicks with tight pants and guys with styled hair and a “cool” outfit. All of them dressed up with some kind of new fashion, such as Karl Kani pants, black leather boots, tons of “bling-bling” and those huge sunglasses they wear even at night-time. It’s funny to watch them trying to impress the other sex with embarrassing fights about who is stronger or who is though enough to shout out words like “fuck” the loudest.

Finally my bus arrives. As I enter, it feels like as if I just stepped into a field of flowers, but the stinky odor of sweat tells me that my nose just noticed about one hundred kinds perfume used to cover up the natural human smell.

Sometimes I wish all those kids would just shut up and don’t yell bullshit through the bus. The person right next to me seems to think about the same, but in a way he is not any different from them. Even though he looks smartly dressed, his suit actually yells quietly for respect and reputation.
Well, at least he keeps his mouth shut.

///

Ministerpräsidenten

Juli 21st, 2007

Ist das nicht schön? Jedes Jahr im sommer ist bei uns in ortenburg volksfest. schön ist es auch dass man da viele leute trifft und weniger dass nach dem volksfest kaum noch straßenstempen gerade da stehen.
was tut die gemeinde ortenburg dagegen?? freibier für alle die mit dem radl kommen. bei genauerem hinsehen aber nur ein radler wenn man zu einer bestimmten uhrzeit kommt. nun all das ist natürlich auch nichts dagegen was man bei uns in der gegend mittlerweile gar nicht mehr übersehen kann: Edmund Stoiber kommt auf’s ortenburger volksfest! MEI wie ich mich da freue.

Aber jetzt müssen die ganzen Bayern ja noch auf das Megga-iwent warten und so bleibt einem nichts anderes übrig als zur schule zu gehen. in den unterricht bei dem sogar fast die lehrer vor lauter hitze einschlafen und in der es anstelle von einem bierautomaten nur colaautomaten gibt.
welcome to bavaria.

Good Morning

Juli 2nd, 2007

?? hab ich diese geschichte schon mal gepostet? ich check’s spaeter mal. muss jetzt nur kurz die geschichte speichern…

The alarm clock started to ring for the third time. Irritated John turned around on the other side, covered his head with the blanket and tried to get a little bit more sleep. The day before had been very exhausting, and he had gone to bed very late.
He dreamed again. He climbed up a roof because he wanted to fly. Flying in dreams was so much fun, but most times it was too hard to direct the dreams in the way that he wanted. So he didn’t fly, like most times he tried to. He felt.
And felt. Realizing, that he had really felt, John woke up, realizing that he lay beside the bed. And the alarm clock was still ringing, hyperactively. Hectically he turned it off, because he went crazy everytime he heard that sound.
While holding it in his hands, he glanced at its face.
-”Oh goddamned shit…”- He jumped up and wanted to grab his pants. For a short moment everything turned around and around, and he was without balance. Drowsy he took hold of his pants which were standing beside him. He wondered, how trousers can stand by themselves, but nevertheless he slipped into them. -
But they didn’t feel like a normal pair of trousers. They were warm and… powerful?
And in that moment he realized that, the trousers were moving. A short shout of surprise and then he ran out of the room.
He didn’t catch on what was happening, until he was already downstairs. Not he was running, but it was the trousers and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.
In a panic, he grabbed the floor lamp next to him. With a loud rattle it fell down.
“Everything O.K., there?” his mom shouted from the kitchen. “–NO!!!—”
She looked to the house door, where the shout had came from, but he wasn’t there anymore.
He was running, as fast as he could, down the street. Surprised at this strange kind of morning sports, she shook her head. She stood there longer than she could see him.
While his mom was still wondering why he did this, John did so, too. But for another reason. He couldn’t stop running. The pants were too strong, to hold against them.
And moreover he wondered, where they would take him.
After about 2 miles, he turned left, following the street. He had already given up to fight this strange thing happening with him. Rather he thought, he was dreaming. But everything seemed so realistic, even the airstream through his hair. And his burning lungs because of the chilly air.
Then he could see it.
Smoke. There was a lot of smoke in the air above the trees. He could see the house burning. One part of the roof was afire.
He ran up the gateway. He wanted to stop. He tried as hard as he could, but without any results. Did these crazy pants want to kill him by running into the fire? In a normal situation, he had thought much more about it, but now he was too busy with running and trying to stop at the same time.
Then he reached the door. Instead of opening it, (he had thought, he would finally stop there) he kicked it open.
For the first moment he couldn’t see anything because it was dark and smoky inside. Caughing he went onwards, controlled by his feet. – At least, he thought, I’m not running like a madman anymore. – He put a part of his sweaty T-shirt in front of his mouth and nose, while stepping upwards. Everything here glowed in a dark red, and through one door he could already see the fire.
John didn’t know what he was doing, but obviously his trousers did. He went through a corridor, where the poisonous smoke was already wafting so that he couldn’t see anything more.
Or at most only about 5 feet in front of him. But there was nothing important to see, anyway. Just a lot of smoke and the floor. Then he noticed the body lieing directly at his feet. At this moment, he could move on his own again for the first time since all this had started. His pants had no power over him anymore.
Even though this was strange situation, he knew immediately what to do. He bent over it, picked it up and turned around.
Behind him something cracked dangerously. He started to run again. This time there was no magic, that made his legs strong. Time passed slowly. There was this brutal pain in his chest. Like as if his lungs were burning. The hot air. His view was clouded and tears ran down his cheeks. On the steps he almost stumbled. He could hear his blood pumping in his ears.
Then it was over. He stumbled out of the front door. Put the body down on the ground and collapsed. His vision blurred. Everything went dark.
Then, a voice, saying to him:
“God morning John” he opened his eyes. Everything was white.
Nothing else, no outlines, no trees, no houses, even no grass on the ground. Only white. Infinite white.
He looked around. Besides him was the man who had spoken to him.
An old man, with long white hair and a long white beard. But even though he looked older, than John had ever seen someone, he looked strong. He was standing there, as if he could take on the whole world. On the other hand, his eyes said, that never something bad had happend to him. Like as if no one had ever insulted him, or would ever do.
Even though the other one didn’t introduce himself, his eyes told John who he was.
His glance was infinite. There was nothing, what this man could have ever asked. No single question. Only answers.
He was a Lord.
Then John realized, he had been standing there for a long time, just gazing at the old man.
“You know who I am.” – No answer. He was too surprised and all of a sudden he had a multitude of questions itching on his tongue.
The old man probably accepted it as “yes” because he continued. “You probably think, you are dead.”- A short moment of silence. John’s brain allmost exploded for all the questions, though he knew, he would never get an answer. – “But you aren’t.” – He relaxed a little bit. At least one question less. And the most important one.
“What… what happened??” – “Yes. That’s the point. The reason, why I took you here, is what has happened to you.” – break – “You were the candidate to be the next superman.”
John had thought, there couldn’t happen something more crazy, but here was the proof for being wrong. He made a sound between laughing and gasping. What a nonsense.
“We have chosen you as a candidate, because we have been watching you for a long time. You seemed to be the perfect guy for this job.” – “Who is ‘we’??” – The man smiled. “We”, he said in an insinuating voice, “are, what you would call the Gods.”
He kept the silence for a moment, to make the moment more gravely.
Then he said in a completly different voice: “However, even gods can make mistakes. You failed. – Why? – Because a real superman had not only saved the pretty girl, but had also put out the fire completely.”
Girl. Superman. Me. Unbelievable. But why not? All what had happend to him since he woke up was unbelievable. And now a GOD told him, he had failed in the final test to become a superman. This whole situation was only crazy.
John stood there, in his head about one billion questions and the fear of his own ignorance and a probably very stupid demienor. “How come…?” The god shook his head. “Not now. Anyway, you know much more than any other human being. And much more, than a normal human should know.”
The god probably misconceived this as a good answer. So he concluded. “I will now send you back to Earth. Finally I just want to give you the hint, that it is probably better for yourself, to not talk about this. The people would think you are a crackpot…”
John wanted to ask him at least one thing about his own future. Or at least about the answers in the next math test. But there was not enough time anymore. The white became transparent, so did the old man besides him. He wanted to reach for him.
“Goodbye John. Enjoy your life.”
These were the last words. The last words of a god to him. How cruel. HE had talked to a god. And no single answer to at least one of those questions humanity had ever searched for.
He was almost crying because of this injustice.
But it was over now. There was no old man anymore, no magic pants, no infinity.
He took a deep breath. Smoke. Noise. Shoutings. He opened his eyes.
Someone who looked very exited, bent over him.
“We have got him!” The voice sounded very relieved. After three more breaths, John sat up and looked around. Everywhere were people. A lot of firemen. The ambulance man who probably thought, he had saved John’s live, wanted him to ly down again, but regardlessly John stood up.
He looked around, and found what he had looked for. The girl. He knew her. She was one grade behind him. And he had ever tried to catch her glance. Unsuccessfully.
Before he reached at her, someone ran out of the group standing around her. He guessed it was her father. “Thank godness, you are all right” The man hugged him. “And thank you sooo much for having saved her!!” John didn’t really attend to him. He only noticed the tears in his eyes. He went to the girl who was lying on a blanket on the ground. Just when he arrived, someone said “she’ll make it!”
That was all he wanted to know. He slowly went aside, sat down on a stump. Suddenly he felt the weariness bouncing over him…

The next days he was celebrated as a hero, but he actually didn’t feel like one. He had let down the gods. He was no hero.
First, it depressed him, but then he started to see it in a positive way. Why not being a hero? No one really knew, what had happened to him.
And because the girl, (by the way, her name was Katy), owed her life to him, she ultimately got to know him.
And actually he was pretty cute…